Mark 10:1-12 Marriage is Hard

First Things: Devotions in Mark’s Gospel

Mark 10:1-12 Marriage is Hard

Marriage is hard. Jesus’ teaching about marriage and divorce is hard. Our attempts to explain around His teaching is hard also. So let’s try and make some sense of this.

It seems that the Pharisees already knew that there was a problem here. Moses’ law made a concession for divorce  under certain circumstances, but the ideal has always been in place - marriage between a man and a woman “’til death us do part.” Let’s be clear what this means. Sexual relationship, according to God’s design, is to be practiced only within the marriage relationship. That means that each man and each woman, if they get married, would only have sexual experience with that one person, unless their spouse died and they remarried. This whole experience of multiple partners is far removed from what God designed.

But marriage is hard. Why? The Bible teaches that we are all sinners from birth. So, whether follower of Jesus or not (and God’s design for marriage is for all of humanity, not only for Christians) we are still sinners. Our progress toward holiness is progressive, and nothing exposes one’s selfishness like being married and being called to put the other person first.

Also, divorce comes naturally to us. All of humanity is already divorced from God through Adam’s sin. There has been a fracture, a rupture in that relationship, and only through God’s act of reconciliation in Christ is that divorce resolved. Divorce is not just a “bad” marriage problem; it’s a “bad” humanity problem. We need God. And our marriages need God. And, we need to learn to practice in our marriage relationship what God extends to us in the Gospel.

So marriages are to be characterized by love and sacrificial service for the other person. We are to seek to grow in our ability to understand the soul of the other person. We are to forgive, and forgive, and forgive. We are to pray for one another consistently. We are to want the best for the other, even above what seems to be best for us. Marriage is hard.

Jesus says, “What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.” Don’t get divorced. That’s a tough one, isn’t it. I think the exception clauses still apply, though not as a necessary action, but as a permission. But the general rule, the reigning principle is: don’t get divorced.

“Don’t get divorced” never made it into the top tier of God’s Law (if that is how you think about the 10 commandments). But any sexual relationship after divorce does make it into that top tier: #7, no adultery. And, adultery, or fornication, is rampant in our world, and total avoidance seems impossible.

Let’s put this in perspective. We are all sinners. Sinners sin. We are not to lie, but we have all deceived ourselves and have attempted to deceive God. We are not to steal, but we have all stolen glory from God as we have tried to put ourselves at the center. We have all loved something more than God, turning it into an idol (the Bible calls this, at times, spiritual adultery). And, we are all divorced, and many people have experienced that divorce not only in their relationship with God, but also in a marriage relationship. And in each of these cases, God offers forgiveness in Christ. 

Two more things. Divorce is different. I can like, repent of my lying, and be a former liar. But if I divorce, I can repent of my divorce, but I may not be able to reconcile, since it depends at least on the willingness of the other person, and so I will continue to be a divorcee, and not free to marry and enjoy marriage relationship. Be careful who you marry, and be careful to stay married.

The last thing is this: the promise of forgiveness in Christ is never to be a license to go ahead and do what you know is displeasing to God, but you will do it anyway because you know that forgiveness is available. That forgiveness is only available, in the first place, to believers, and a person expressing that kind of callous “using” of forgiveness is not demonstrating faith at all, and has no assurance of being a believer.

Did I say marriage is hard? It is humbling. And there are many, many people who have already failed in this area, have proceeded into more areas of difficulty, and who continue to feel the pain of their past and present actions. Here is what the Bible says, to all of us: “God justifies the  ungodly.” It’s people like you, like us, that God reaches out to, as we admit our sinfulness and ours sins, and as we purpose to walk in obedience, starting today, scars and all. The scars don’t disappear, but God’s grace is sufficient.