Mean what You Say

Traveling home from Togo, I was sitting and waiting at JFK for the plane that would bring me home to Detroit. I watched a young couple speaking a language I did not understand instruct and warn a young boy, 3 or 4 years old, to behave. It seemed as though the boy did not understand the language either, because whatever they said, he paid no mind in the least.

The mother was so tender with him. She would instruct; he would ignore. A sad look would come on her face, but there would be no consequence. He kept throwing his toy to the floor, over and over, into that paths of hurrying people. No matter. Just repeated words, spoken, and ignored.

The mother was not so tender when the husband/father sought to get involved. He was going to take the toy away. The boy squealed. The mother came to his aid, and started reprimanding the father for being so demanding. Then she would again instruct the boy, and he would do what he always did, looking at the father with glee that he had the upper hand, and the father glowering with resentment, both toward the boy and the woman.

If as parents we do not mean what we say, then why speak at all? And if our children are not taught to respond properly to our words, with consequences attached and enacted when those words are ignored, do we really think they will respond to our words when they are age 8, or 18? But the point which is even more important is this: if we do not teach our children to obey our words because they know that we do not mean what we say, then we are also teaching them to ignore God’s Word, thinking that He also does not mean what He says. But, He does. And our children will not be prepared to be obedient and submissive to Him, and will suffer the consequences. And you will have contributed to the situation. Your pretended tenderness is a sham. Let’s do our job.

I realize that this applies not only to parents, but to pastors. And I have been challenged to make sure I mean what I say, and to follow through.

One more thought: To mean what you say does not mean that you have to be mean. I condemned fake tenderness above, but to cross over to that which is malicious and mean is not the better part. Rather, “Let your speech always be with grace, as though seasoned with salt, so that you will know how you should respond to each person.” (Colossians 4:6 NAS95)